Sapphic Ex Fest
by slenderpanda597
Summary: Edward arrives as a locum, and sets his sights upon Bernie, not knowing she is already taken. M rating for stuff that is implied, not explicitly written.


(a/n – from the prompt on tumblr 'I want Berena in a relationship and for Edward to show up on the ward and start shamelessly hitting on Bernie behind Serena's back, not realizing that they're together.' Well, I've interpreted it a bit and used some artistic license, but I hope it's passable!)

Sapphic Ex Fest

"Morning you," Serena smiled as she swept into the office, coffees in hand. She bent down slightly to peck Bernie on the lips, as had become their morning routine when they were both on the same shift (and had not woken up in the same bed that morning). Bernie smiled, accepting the coffee and taking a grateful sip.

"Morning you," she smiled back at her co-lead and partner, though not quite meeting her eyes. Serena looked at her intently.

"Something the matter?" Bernie coughed in response and drummed her fingers against the side of the coffee cup.

"No, not at all! Just have to dash to Keller for a consultant, that's all. Ric requested me."

"When?"

"About twenty minutes ago…" Bernie's voice trailed off as she looked at anything but Serena.

"Bernie! Why haven't you gone? It could be serious!" The woman swatted her arm and Bernie coughed.

"Sorry, I just uhhh… Well, wanted to umm. Wait? Here… Because you were coming in and I um…" Serena didn't miss Bernie glance at her lips and she smiled.

"Oh dear Major, is this you telling me that you didn't want to do anything without a kiss from me? I'm flattered." Serena's tone was mocking, but her smile told Bernie she was secretly thrilled. Bernie laughed.

"Well, it was the coffee I was waiting for actually, if you must know." She met Serena's eyes easily, both women grinning at the verbal tennis which they were both so good at with one another. Serena licked her lips.

"Really? Well, I'll have to make my good morning greeting more memorable than coffee in future…"

"I don't think you can beat anything strong and hot." Bernie lowered her voice, and Serena laughed, before leaning upwards and kissing Bernie with a bit more strength than she had earlier. Bernie moaned as Serena pulled back, eyes glittering.

"Now, off you go soldier, don't want to keep Ric Griffin waiting any longer. On the double, before I go myself!" Bernie laughed in response, nudging her hip against Serena's as she walked past and left the office.

Up on Keller, Ric Griffin smiled as Bernie approached.

"Ah, Ms Wolfe, thank you for coming. Here we have Stephen Fontaine…"

"The end of the matter is, Ric, that it is easy enough to treat as long as he is under anaesthetic. Yes, he may require a higher dosage but I can't see it being too difficult." Bernie was getting increasingly exasperated with the case. She just wanted to get back to AAU where she could at least spend some time near Serena. They had been on awkward and busy shift patterns for the last two weeks, and had not seen much of each other outside of work. Bernie was dying to take Serena out again, but their schedules just would not allow it, so she was loathe to spend time off AAU. Ric sighed.

"Yes, but he has a history of poor response to anaesthetics, and our usual anaesthetist is off. I don't know what the locum is like."

"So drag them in here and see if they're up to the job." Bernie could feel her temper rising. Ric raised his eyebrows but made the call to get the locum in to see them as soon as possible. It wasn't long before the door opened to reveal a confident man with a grin on his face. Bernie launched into a full tirade of the situation, ending with

"And so I do hope that you find yourself up to the job? Excellent."

"My, she's a feisty one isn't she?" He turned to Ric, who, Bernie noticed, was looking much more awkward. She let the thought pass as the anaesthetist turned back to her, stepping forwards. "I think you'll find that when it comes to getting my needle into tight spaces I am incredibly proficient." Bernie chose to ignore the blatant innuendo in his voice, though she began to dislike the man a little.

"Excellent, glad to see we have a competent locum!"

"Oh yes, the sight of my needle is enough to paralyse most. I'll catch you later and maybe we can arrange a time for me to give you a mind-numbing experience." He winked, and made to touch her arm, but Bernie swiftly dodged around him.

"That's that then, have a good operation Ric, some of us now have trauma units to run!"

Upon her return to AAU, Bernie headed straight for her and Serena's office. She needed a few moments to calm herself down after the comments of the anaesthetist. She didn't have long though, as the red phone rang, propelling her to theatre with Serena, where they worked together flawlessly in order to save the young woman who had been dragged under a car when her bag caught its wing mirror. After the surgery and subsequent ward rounds were complete, both women headed back to the safety of their office, where to their surprise, a bouquet of flowers lay on Bernie's desk. She raised her eyebrows and turned to Serena, who looked equally as shocked.

"I'm going to credit you with taste and assume these things clearly bought from the hospital gift shop are not your doing?" Bernie wandered over to them, taken aback but unaffected by the gesture. Serena remained by the door, her expression a mixture of confusion and amusement.

"Looks like you've got a secret admirer," she commented, pleased her voice remained neutral even though her stomach was doing backflips. She knew Bernie was attractive (goodness, she knew Bernie was attractive), but the fact that she had competition worried her slightly. Bernie coughed.

"I wouldn't say secret, ha! They've left a note, how sweet." Her tone was sarcastic, and Serena breathed out. It seemed that Bernie was not interested. Instead she stalked over and tried to read the card over Bernie's shoulder.

"Patient, then? Or staff? Ooh, let's see! Zosia March? Jac Naylor? The woman who's just started working in Pulses?" Bernie laughed and swatted her playfully.

"As flattering as it is that you think I could be attractive to all those women," she pressed her forehead against Serena's, "wrong gender, I don't think he's picked up on the fact that I'm not actually inclined towards those of the male variety." Bernie smiled, ghosting her lips over Serena's as they held hands briefly. They separated, and Serena got started on her paperwork, whilst Bernie went and put the flowers in a vase by the nurses' station. She didn't want to waste them, even if she didn't want to receive them. As she turned away, a meaty hand met her back, and she flinched.

"Why hello there trauma specialist. Glad to see you received my gift." The man grinned at her, and Bernie smiled politely in response as he continued. "Did you read the note?" She laughed at that.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, you're a bit hot, store cupboard at two?" He winked.

"That's the one," he looked at his watch obviously. "And, if I am not mistaken, it is getting towards two now." He winked again, and Bernie shuddered. She had to let him know.

"Right, okay, can I just tell you that I-"

"See you in there, blondie." He cut her off and sauntered away, leaving Bernie stood stock still on the ward. A softer hand then appeared between her shoulder blades, and Bernie turned to face Serena, who, it turned out, had been listening to everything from her hiding place on the corridor. Her face was drawn in a tight line, but she squeezed Bernie's shoulder gently.

"He's a creep. You go and make yourself a cup of tea." Bernie nodded and headed off, whilst Serena went to the store cupboard, slamming open the door and confronting the man who was currently leaned against a cupboard with his hand down his trousers. Upon seeing her, he grinned cockily.

"Well, well, well, this is a turn up for the books. Hello, Serena." He removed his hand and held it out to her, and Serena glared at it witheringly, before looking up at the man she despised most in the world.

"Edward, I would like to ask you to stop your advances on Ms Wolfe immediately. As her co-lead on AAU I speak on her behalf when I say that your advances are not welcome."

"Co-lead on AAU? What happened to Deputy CEO Serena? Get the sack?" Serena gritted her teeth.

"I stepped down because my situation at home has changed, not that that has anything to do with you. Now, please get your hands out of your trousers because Ms Wolfe will not be turning up to your little session, and I would hate to have to report you to Hanssen." She smiled at him patronisingly, before stalking out of the room, the door banging behind her.

Later on that day, Bernie stepped away from a patient's bedside, scrubbing her hands as she did so, only to nearly crash head on into that infuriating anaesthetist. He leaned against a doorway.

"What happened at two?"

"I had better things to do." Bernie responded, hoping he would take the hint and move out of her way. He was very rapidly wearing her patience thin and she did not want to have to resort to violence. He placed a hand on her arm and smiled.

"When you've had first-hand experience of my expert technique, then you will never have better things to do." Bernie was about to roll her eyes, but was saved by Raf shouting her from across the ward.

"Ms Wolfe! Can I have your attention please?" She sighed in relief as she escaped.

After helping Raf with a diagnosis, she turned to see the locum stood behind the window at the ward entrance. He winked at her obviously, and she turned away sharply. Muttering expletives under her breath she entered the office and flopped back in her chair, closing her eyes.

"If that sodding locum anaesthetist doesn't take the hint soon I will personally floor him!" She yelled at the ceiling. Serena, who was also in the office, put her pen down sharply.

"You what?" Her voice was like an icicle. Cold and sharp.

"The locum anaesthetist who sent me the flowers. He's been propositioning me all day even when I tell him I am not interested in him! Honestly, it isn't even like he's trying to impress me, he just wants one thing." She looked up to see Serena glaring at her keyboard.

"How dare he?! After I told him to lay his attentions off you, he still carries on! The cheek! Though he always has been like that, the slimy man." Bernie stood up and walked over to Serena, running her hands up and down her arms, taken aback but flattered by her outburst.

"Has he been around before and acted like this? Because that just proves he's a worthless piece of rubbish." She froze. "Wait, has he tried it on with you before?" Serena laughed then, and turned to Bernie.

"You could say that. Though he got considerably further with me considering the fact that I married him." Bernie froze at her words, her thoughts scattering like the grains in a sandstorm.

"That… He… Anaesthetist… Locum… Your…" Bernie struggled to formulate a sentence.

"Yes, he's my delightful ex-husband and father of my daughter: Edward." Serena said, her voice filled with false enthusiasm. "Always has had a way with words."

"Right, that's it, next time he tries something on I'm going to crush his nuts so hard that his surgical needles will be broad in comparison." Bernie growled and Serena laughed, spinning in her chair so she faced her.

"I wouldn't do that," she smiled gently. "The worst way to hurt Edward has always been emotionally. Just ignore him for now, knowing that a beautiful woman isn't interested will cut him deep." Serena tangled her fingers with Bernie's as she looked at her, quirking an eyebrow. "And if you're really well behaved, I might let you take me home after we've been to Albie's tonight. Jason happens to be away until Friday." Bernie felt herself heating up, as she looked at the vascular surgeon incredulously.

"But we have work tomorrow! And we told ourselves we wouldn't…" Serena massaged small circles onto the back of her partner's hands.

"Yes, I know, but I haven't been close to you outside of work in far too long, and frankly, I want a proper good morning kiss tomorrow." Serena nipped Bernie's earlobe as she walked past on her way out of the office, sending shivers down the trauma surgeon's spine.

As Bernie finished up, having stayed a little later knowing that Serena's shift finished half an hour after she did, the trauma surgeon grimaced as she was confronted by the man she was now desperate to punch squarely in the face. He grabbed her hand, bringing her knuckles to his mouth and kissing them. Bernie immediately shoved her hands into her scrub pockets, balling them into fists.

"Good evening to you, gorgeous. How about I take you for some drinks in the bar everyone here recommends? And after, perhaps a night cap?" Bernie wondered just how a man could be so vile, and just how Serena had managed to fall not just in bed but also in love with him once upon a time. She pushed the thoughts aside, instead forcing a smile in his direction.

"Apologies, but I have plans. Now, if you'll excuse me."

After getting changed and heading to Albie's together, Bernie and Serena were forgetting all of their worries by gazing at each other over their wine glasses, filled with anticipation of what was to come. They had both missed the intimate side of their relationship over the past couple of weeks. As Bernie was admiring Serena, wondering how it was possible for a woman to be so beautiful and so intelligent, she saw Serena look upwards in annoyance, and immediately knew just who was approaching her from behind.

"My, my, you look even better out of scrubs." He deliberately looked at Serena as he commented on Bernie's outfit, and the army medic felt her blood boil. "I thought you said you had plans?" He raised his eyebrows.

"I did. And I am currently part way through fulfilling them. Now, if you would mind moving out of the way, we are just leaving." She stood, and was grateful that Serena did too, as they both swept out of the building. Bernie breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, as Serena whispered reassurances to her in the darkness.

"Excuse me!" His voice was projected across the car park, and the women turned, their coats fluttering in the wind. He approached and glared at Serena, clearly frustrated that Bernie had been ignoring his advances. "What has she told you about me?" He looked straight at Bernie. "Because I promise you, she isn't as innocent as she looks!" Bernie laughed at that, her mind filling with several scenarios where Serena had very much been less than innocent. She looked at her partner, and then at Edward, the patience she had remaining snapping like a tendon under pressure. He'd given her nothing but blatant suggestiveness all day, so she decided to play him back at his own game.

"Oh, Serena here hasn't told me all that much about you, really. Just that she has a life-long take-it-to-the-grave grudge against you," Bernie smiled, and tried to end the situation amicably. "Look, Edward. While I appreciate the attention, I think you should be aware that I rather prefer eating out, so to speak." Serena suddenly coughed ferociously next to her, and Bernie smirked. "So, if you'll excuse us." Edward, however, was as unmoving as he was clueless to innuendo if he wasn't the one delivering it.

"Hey, if that's all you want, I can do that! What's your restaurant of choice?"

"Oh no, I prefer it at home with a nice warm pussy to keep me company." Bernie took delight in the fact that she was doing a marvellous job of both infuriating Serena's ex-husband whilst impressing the woman herself. Edward kept fuelling her fire in his attempts to woo her.

"Oh, you have a cat! How nice! Long haired or short haired? I actually prefer the hairless ones myself!"

"You would." Serena butted into the conversation, tears of laughter streaming down her cheeks. He whipped around to face her.

"And what is that supposed to mean?!" He snapped at her, getting increasingly frustrated that he was not getting what he wanted from the blonde trauma surgeon. "What do sphinxes have anything to do with you?" Bernie had had enough. The man was taking up valuable time that could be spent taking Serena home and doing things to her which Edward wouldn't know how to begin at.

"Good night Edward. Lovely meeting you." Bernie patted him on the shoulder before turning to Serena. "Shall we leave?" Serena grinned up at her, glanced back to Edward, and then opened her mouth.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, you're majorly hot, and I'll battle with you." Bernie laughed and also silently marvelled at how Serena had just declared their relationship to her ex-husband (and, therefore, anyone he told).

"Fighting talk there."

"Always needed for you, Major."

"This Major also likes some action too, though."

"Can't promise it won't get out of hand, soldier."

"Luckily for you I'm a trained army medic."

"And a big macho army medic at that. Home time, Major."

"Always, Fraulein."

Edward meanwhile stood before them, watching their exchange with wide eyes.

"Do you mean to tell me that you two are-"

"Sorry, old man, but your loss is my gain." Bernie smiled at him patronisingly, delighting in the power she now had over the speechless man. Serena was enjoying herself too.

"And your current conquest has already been captured." She raised her eyebrows at her ex-husband, before tucking her arm around Bernie's elbow. "Come on, Major. I believe we have plans." Bernie looked down at the exquisite woman, heart swelling.

"Why, I believe we do."

Later that night, as the two of them lay tangled together in Bernie Wolfe's bed, Serena moved her head so that she was looking up at Bernie, head resting on the trauma surgeon's collarbone.

"You're very naughty, you know."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I said you could take me home if you behaved well, and you were positively rotten with Edward." Serena squeezed Bernie's hip as her partner laughed.

"I didn't hear you complaining at the time, and you came willingly enough. In every sense of the word." Serena gasped in mock offence, before leaning up over the woman who had turned her life upside down.

"Oh, you'll pay for that, Berenice Griselda Wolfe!" Bernie couldn't think of a response as Serena dug her nails into her back, dragging them down slowly, slowly to her rear end.

The next morning, Bernie Wolfe and Serena Campbell walked onto AAU with springs in their steps. Closing the door of their office, Bernie leaned down and pecked her partner on the lips. It wasn't quite the good morning kiss they'd had an hour previously as the sun crept through Bernie's blinds, but it still signalled the strength of their relationship, should Edward try anything again with Bernie. And if he did get further, Bernie had a purple mark on her shoulder to show just who she belonged to.

~finite~

(a/n – that's that then. I get that I haven't quite followed through on the prompt, but I hope the shameless levels of innuendo make up for it. Thank you in advance for the reviews and favourites, they mean the world to me.)


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